


Wet Food Only!

by AceofHeartless



Category: Deadpool - All Media Types, Spider-Man - All Media Types
Genre: Domestic, Fluff, Just Add Kittens, M/M, featuring socks the cat, if i missed a tag or messed something up let me know i've never written for these dorks before, teacher peter well he a sub but still, they still superpowered but this not focus
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-26
Updated: 2019-03-26
Packaged: 2019-12-18 09:24:28
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,594
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18247001
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AceofHeartless/pseuds/AceofHeartless
Summary: Peter Parker and the “I took in a stray cat at my new place only for her to be knocked up by my neighbor’s cat and woke up to a bag of dry cat food outside my door labeled “child support’ and now I have to go meet my neighbor for the first time cause my cat only eats wet food. And I need to return this food and I only realized too late it was kitten food when my neighbor answered and holy shit my neighbor is hot.”





	Wet Food Only!

**Author's Note:**

> ((( This a one shot based off a thing I saw on tumblr when I find it I'll link it. but I couldn't help myself. Rating for language. nothing too sexual but there crass flirting near end so eh counts enough most of this is fluff with kittens with Peter and Ellie tbh lol ))

Peter’s new apartment building was very old, run by an even older woman named Mrs Kruger, who he thinks has been there since the building was built. Maybe even before. Point being was that despite it being old and rundown it was in a good location and,most importantly, CHEAP. Which he needed on his salary...or lack thereof. He had a few repeating jobs, all just as flexible as his schedule needed to be but nothing steady in the least. Due to also being…. well...spider-man he couldn’t have a 9 to 5 job like most people. So there he was, photographer, editor,dog walker, house sitter, etc whatever job let him set his own hours and work within the schedule of crime. And that also lead him to his new apartment. His last job as a house sitter was actually watching said Landlady’s apartment while she was on vacation. That was how they met! And it was through helping her collect rent and basically working for her and watching her apartment that she told him about a recently vacated apartment. Which she would not say how it was vacated but it came fully furnished and she even gave him a discount on it! So he didn’t ask. 

In the end it didn’t matter to him how he got it cause it was a large space even for it’s very suspicious price and he thanked so many of his stars that for once his luck wasn’t at the bottom of the barrel. He felt like things were looking up for ole Peter Parker. 30 years old, finally moved out of his old shitty, money draining place to a larger yet cheaper one, the school year is starting again and he can get more substitute teacher money which is the most steady money he gets. And he’s got a cat now!

....wait.. He doesn’t have a cat.

“Cat!?” he looks down at the cat currently rubbing around his ankle for attention. She was...well damn she was a pretty pretty cat. A tuxedo cat, silky fur and big golden eyes. She was mostly black with a few white spots mostly on her feet. The landlady had mentioned a cat like that roaming around the building coming and going. “ You must be Socks. Mrs Kruger told me about you. How did you get in here?” It didn’t slip his attention that she followed him through the apartment to find any crack she could of came in from. Eventually he found the open window, a fire escape next to it. Which he did not know about, extra lucky for him! Didn’t have to climb a wall to get in. Much less suspicious to get in through there...still suspicious climbing through a window at night, always having to be careful of something or someone too nosy. She purred and jumped onto his lap where he sat on the window sill. “Alright alright. I can feed you tonight but I’m not keeping you.” 

he said with absolute resolve of course.

That had been about 10 weeks ago… The cat kept coming back to his house and he stopped giving her tuna and got actual real cat food. He got the wet kind reading it was better and because when he tried giving her dry food she did not like it and he didn’t have the money to buy the expensive stuff of either so if she ate the cheap wet food then she was going to eat the wet food until she finally decided he wasn’t worth her time and left. Honestly he wasn’t sure if she ever would. And if he would be ok with it. Over the weeks she became such a permanent fixture in his life. He’d woken up so many times to her grooming his hair. The first time he laughed and said “good luck I’ve been trying to tame that mop for 3 decades.” and he had several times fallen asleep to her purring on his chest. Of course that also cause she’d lay on top of his chest when he crawled in dead tired from patrol and he didn’t wanna disturb her. He learned to change out of his spidey suit before getting into bed after waking up in it too many times to count. She came to him out of nowhere but he would be hard pressed to deny he didn’t love the company she provided. 

As he laid in bed that night he felt like her stomach was moving. He dismissed it, she was gaining weight since “moving” in with him.She had a steady stream of food now after all. He figured it was just her stomach growling or something. His last thought before he went to bed that night was on his next paycheck he’d have to buy her some exercise toys. 

The next day after work he stood outside his apartment door looking at this bright orange cat pawing at his door. Meowing at it trying to get in. He had not seen this cat before and it had a collar on it. Slowly he walked to it and picked the cat up to read his collar “Logan? Who names a cat Logan??” he looked at the cat who had a very angry,grumpy looking face. “Oh good your address is here.” he looked at the tag and thankfully the apartment he belonged to was the one right next door. Peter walked over knocking on the door “ Hello? Your cat got out!” he wondered if they were even home when suddenly the door opened and a little girl with a big grin stood there. “ Little Logan!” she smiled grabbed the cat who rubbed her face with his then preceded to jump out of her grip and into the apartment. “Not to intrude but you really shouldn’t open the door to people you don’t know little miss. Cat or not. Next time make sure your parents answer or is with you when you do.”

“I know that! Dad always says he’d shoot anyone who tried to hurt me anyway but I do know you! You subbed for Mr Yanders last week! I think I’d rather have you as a science teacher. Mr. Yanders is so old he belongs in an arc...arche..to be dug up like mummies!” She paused as if thinking before proclaiming “Anyway thanks for bringing back Logan! He’s been trying to get after that lady cat a lot lately!…..Ok bye Mr. Parker!”

And just like that she shut the door on his face not even giving him time to really talk. He also felt bad cause he did not remember her and he had to sub for Mr. Yanders again next week. She was right he was very old and had a lot of appointments and honestly Peter isn’t sure why he wasn’t retired but it did wonders for Peter’s paycheck to have to cover for him so often. Well with that cat back home he moved on to his own home. Greeted happily by his own cat jumping onto his shoulder. That little incident also reminded he didn’t give her a collar. Then again he didn’t think he’d keep her so he decided that along with the exercise toys he’d get her a spiffy collar and tag. Probably golden to match her eyes. “Damn you’re getting expensive. Vet bills, cat food, collar and toys. Why did I decided to keep you?” she only meowed and rubbed her body all over his face leaving him a laughing mess. “Oh yeah, it’s cause you’re a great conversationalist.” 

“Meow!” 

They spent the next hour just laying on the couch watching MASH reruns because...MASH is awesome and also maybe...just maybe….the remote was too far away and Socks was asleep on his chest….He couldn’t risk moving her. All in all it was a very good night.

\--

He got a big paycheck at the very beginning of next month, not having to strain to make rent, buy food and among other spidey supplies he went on a big(well for him) shopping spree to the pet shop to pick up stuff for his little lady. A bed, he begrudgingly knows she’ll never use, and toys for her to play with, and of course the beautiful golden collar like he promised her. He even had a custom fish shaped tag made for her cause he saw it in cartoons and he may be 30 but the heart never grows up. He had plenty of loot for her majesty. He even splurged on a fancy cat tower for her..Honestly Peter never expect himself to be this much of a cat person. He thought he'd preferred dogs…..He wondered if she’d get along with a dog. Probably, he still wanted a dog but there was a fee for large animals and small dogs weren’t his thing. He’d prefer big or medium one. “Maybe Next big paycheck.” he muttered hauling his loot back home. 

Once in the door something unusual happened. That being, nothing, nothing happened. Usually Socks would run up to him immediately asking to be fed or for pets. Or even jump right on his shoulder. It was weird for her overly affectionate self to not show up. He set down the bags and boxes and began his search for her. She wasn’t in the kitchen or bathroom, which were her usual haunts when not begging for attention. She wasn’t in the living room either and that only really left his bedroom. Soon as he entered he heard it. Soft mewing coming from somewhere. He had looked under his bed, nothing. He checked his desk and his dresser with no reward. And then finally where he found her was his closet. And he was so thankful for tile floors over carpet or wood because that was blood… not a lot but blood and those were also kittens. Newborn kittens like she’s still licking them clean and hasn’t eaten the. Oh god he doesn’t wanna think about that. “I’ll leave you alone until you’re done.” He closed the closet door leaving a crack for her to get in and out and then went to sit on his couch.

So...Now he had kittens. “Didn’t expect to be a grandpa so young.” He figured she must of been pregnant when she came to him given the time period. He took this time to set up the presents he got for her the tower didn’t take long to put together. The toys didn’t take long to put around for her to find on her own time. He put her bed right next to her favourite window to sit at hoping that it would help prompt her to sit...maybe he could move her and the kittens to it after she finished. All he had left was her collar. It had been roughly an hour or so since he left her alone. He filled her food bowl first and took it with him to check on her. She was laying down letting her babies eat and he set the bowl next to her. Peter got a thankful meow from her after that. He wasn’t sure how long Socks would stay in his closet. He kind of needed it, and needed to sanitize it. “At Least the first blood to stain this apartment isn’t mine” he laughed to himself he also took a picture of the kittens with his camera. He knew that orange that some of them displayed so he easily figured out the dad...he has only met one orange cat after all. He’d have to inform Ellie she also a grandma. 

“Maybe I’ll actually get to meet Ellie’s dad.” Since meeting the little girl, he had return the cat Logan several times always seeming to miss her father. He also saw her when he covered for her science teacher and then basically took over when said teacher broke his hip. Longest month of subbing he’s had but also it’s what gave him the money to get his cat new stuff...God now he’d have to buy kitten food until they were old enough to be given away. He wasn’t going to just let them go to a shelter though he’d find them good homes personally. He got a bit lucky in that there were only 4 kittens so with any luck they’d get good homes fast. It’d be a while until they were adopting age. 

Peter left socks to tend to her newborns deciding to go knock on his neighbors door to explain the new development. Phone in hand to show pictures of proof. As per usual it was Ellie who answered the door with...with a pencil she was chewing on, probably was doing her homework when he knocked. “ Hi Mr Parker! I know Logan asleep on dad so why you here?” 

“Hi again Ellie. It seems you’ve gotten your wish.” He showed her the photos and her eyes lit up. “ I knew it! I told my dad I saw them!” She giggled running into the house yelling “dad!” The same hope rose in peter again, he still felt weird having not met her dad yet. He waited at the door since it was rude to invite himself in. Ellie came back, running out grabbing his hand and shutting the door. “Dad said I could go see them!”

“Wait Ellie I should talk to him first!” 

“No time come on!!! Kittens!” 

He was stronger then her. He was a grown man and had spidey strength. But he couldn’t bring himself to stop an excited kid from seeing kittens. He’d let her look in then take her back home and lecture her about going with people her parents hadn’t met yet. As if she had a radar she aimed straight for the closet and looked in cooing immediately. “They’re so cute! This one looks just like Logan!” She took pictures on her own phone. Ellie was careful not to touch them to much but giggled from getting a few licks from them and socks. “They’re the best thing I’ve ever seen before in my life” she cooed petting socks herself “You did a good job mama cat!” Ellie saw Sock yawning then and decided to let her relax and sleep. Peter walked Ellie back to her apartment. 

“Thanks for letting me see the babies Mr Parker.” 

“It’s no problem Ellie. Now before I go I need to tell you that you shouldn’t just run into other people’s homes without asking. “

She at-least realized what she had done and looked sheepish “I’m sorry. I was just excited..”

“I know but I would of liked to speak to your father myself. I don’t want to get in trouble with him because he doesn’t know me and suddenly I’m hanging out with his kid you know? There are sadly...dangerous people out there and wouldn’t want them to hurt you. Promise me you’ll be more careful ok?” 

“Yes Sir. sorry again. I promise to tell Dad to come too. He was just too tired from work to come this time. He said he’d make it up to you!”

Peter smiled and gave her a pat on the head. “ Tell him I’d be happy to meet him. I’ll see you in class tomorrow. Mr Yander’s still isn’t fully recovered from his hip.” Peter made a mental note to send him some balloons or something. He wasn’t sure how that old man broke his hip but it had to be rough for him to be gone for so long. Ellie waved goodbye shutting the door and Peter went home to make himself dinner and to sleep before his nightly patrol.

\--

Tomorrow held its own surprises. As during class Ellie showed everyone the pictures and revealed to the entire class that she was neighbors with their sub. Which meant no actual teaching could be done. He was stuck answering questions about his cat and the kittens. On the plus side at least 6 students said they’d ask their parents for a kitten when they were old enough. And Peter was sure there were more who didn’t say it out loud that would ask so he might have homes. Of course Ellie then said “ You guys can have any except this one!” pointing at the orange one “Logan Jr is coming home with me.” He wasn’t sure how true that was since the apartments only allowed one cat. And there was a fee for more and he didn’t know if Ellie’s dad would want to pay it. Peter even talked to the landlady that morning about it and she had been understanding that he didn’t know Sock’s was pregnant when he took her in and said as long as he gave them homes before they were adults she wouldn’t charge said fee.

The next big surprise was on his way home the green goblin attacked. Which sucked but Peter has been lucky it didn’t happen during school hours. The battle wasn’t easy, he missed the big monstrous goblin why couldn’t he fight that one again. The one who mostly charged in without thinking and not the one that played mind games with him and took up a large portion of his time. In the end he handed the goblin off to shield and was worn out crawling through his window and into his bed. 

When he woke again it was around 9 at night. He hadn’t slept too long and his stomach was a great alarm clock. He got cleaned up and put his suit in the repair pile deciding he’d go out to eat before nightly patrol. Still debating on whether to take the night off or not. He figured he’d decide after 2 large pizzas and a couple hot dogs. A quick shower, new suit and over clothes later he was walking out of his apartment only to kick something that had been set in front of his door. He bent down to picked up..cat food. Dry cat food sitting in front of his door. With a note taped to it that said “Child support” Peter had to laugh at the ridiculousness of it. He figured it must of been left by Ellie’s elusive dad. Though the handwriting was worse than hers if he were honest. Sadly though it was dry cat food and he couldn’t feed that to his cat who only ate wet food. He had to return it. He would thank them though, it was the thought that counts.

Knocking on the door felt like a routine almost. He was expecting Ellie’s face to pop out and say “Hi Mr. Parker!” like she always did. Except this time it definitely wasn’t Ellie answering the door. Peter had been looking down and straight into the very muscular chest of a man who answered. He was wearing a tight white t-shirt and neon pink boxers with unicorns on them. And Peter,with a big blush on his face, had to quickly adjust his view and look up at the man instead of staring at his body. He met ice blue eyes. Almost white even,although not at white as the full pearly grin directed at him. He couldn’t talk just move his jaw up and down in a motion for a bit.

“So!” The man’s voice finally broke the silence “ You must be the neighbor I’ve heard so much about!” ok yep this was definitely Ellie’s dad. Same smile and tone. “Yeah..that me.” Peter replied elegantly. 

“I..cat food..um..thanks for.” he said holding up the food and pointing. yep nailed it. He also actually read the label and noticed it was kitten food not adult cat food. Which actually explains more why it says child support… 

“It’s no problem! I had no idea Logan had even gotten with her. Grumpy old thing I thought he couldn’t even have kids! I owe Ellie 5 bucks now.” with a big hearty laugh, and oh god his laugh. Keep it together Peter. Ellie’s Father kept going “It’s nice to finally meet the famous Mr. Parker Ellie’s talked so much about.” They exchanged handshakes, more him pulling Peter’s hand into one but still. It left a lingering warmth.

“Yeah. It’s nice to meet you too. Can I have a name or do I still have to refer to you as Ellie’s dad?” SHIT, why did he say that. That’s so lame. He’s so lame. Why Parker???? The man threw his head back in another big laugh, even slapping his knee. Why was this man so animated???? Why did peter love it???

After he caught his breath he seemingly went from playful laughing to a sultry smirk “You can call me Daddy if you like but this isn’t that kind of fanfic.” Peter wasn’t sure his face could get more red but this man would sure test it’s limit… after a moment he properly introduced himself “ But if you MUST know, The name’s Wade! Wade Winston Wilson if you want to have some fun with it. And Mr Wilson if you want to get nasty with it.” 

His name was Wade!

Ellie’s hot dad is named Wade Wilson!!

Wait.

Wait a ticking fuck.

He knows that name. To be fair there isn’t hardly anyone in the super community that doesn't. Fuck. His hot neighbor is Deadpool.   
Even more fuck. Peter's always had a soft spot for Wade.  
Biggest fuck. Wade looks too good in that tight shirt.

In conclusion?  
Peter’s fucked.


End file.
